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Sponsored Game Review: Squarey

October 8, 2014 - Written By Tom Dawson

Description: Squarey is one of those games that is so difficult it’ll make you want to smash your phone. Oh? Challenge accepted you say? Squarey is our little friend who has fallen down a hole in his garden and now has to jump on top of the pile of bricks in order to avoid the hammers that want nothing more but to kill him. All you need to do is to tap the display to jump at the right time to avoid the hammers, it’s like a lethal jump-rope game, with hammers, and the hammers will start swinging together. It sounds easy, but it really isn’t. So, if a challenging game that hinges on simplicity and said difficulty interests you, then read on.

How it Works: To get started, you’ll first need to download Squarey from the Play Store. Once you’ve got it installed, prepare for the mayhem.

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There’s not much to how you play the game, all you need to do is to tap the display in order to get Squarey to jump over the swinging hammers, which sounds easy right?

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When I first started playing the game I thought I was in for a fun game that used timing as the main mechanic. Which Squarey is, but after 5 jumps a second hammer started swinging, and it started swinging on a different timing, which completely threw me off. After a little time though, I worked out there was a double-jump, which you can use to time a second jump to keep in the air and avoid those pesky hammers. Without this knowledge you’re in for a rough ride.

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I’m currently trying to beat my best score of 6, but so far I’m really struggling to do just that. It is fun, but it’s the sort of fun you need to be prepared for. I did enjoy the challenge and I liked that you could see high-scores that you’re likely to never beat as well.

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As you get further into the game, you’ll notice that it gets much, much harder. As the hammers keep swinging as a team, you’ll start to really get frustrated as it gets crazy hard.

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A nice touch to keep you sane is of course the fact that Squarey and the background changes color each time you start over.

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Opinion: Squarey is a game that I’ll certainly keep installed on my phone, but I won’t tackle it again until I am well-rested and in a cal state of mind. The game is crazy difficult, which is its main selling point and for a lot of gamers that’s a big draw. If you’ve ever played Super Meat Ball and thought was difficult, you’ll get the idea with Squarey. At one point, I thought that the game had to be broken, that it had to be too difficult to be a real game, then I got over that first swing from the second hammer. Now, I’m just convinced that I don’t know how to play Squarey and that I’m not that good a gamer in the first place. It’s fun, simple and you can play it with one hand on the commute in to work or to help kill a few minutes here and there. As for longer sessions, that depends on your patience and how good a gamer you are.

Ratings

  • Speed (4/5) – No complaints here, the game runs just fine and has a nice, challenging pace to it.
  • Features (4/5) – A simple game it might be, with some traits from other games we know and love, Squarey is so difficult it’s just stupid. Stupid fun that is.
  • Theme (3.5/5) – I’d really like to have seen some extra flair in the background here, but I guess we don’t need any more distractions from those pesky hammers.
  • Overall (4/5) – A solid game that’s sure to annoy the hell out of you, Squarey is well worth taking a look at if you’re in real need of an honest challenge.

Pros

  • Squarey is one hell of a difficult game, and if you like that kind of thing, then you’ll love it.
  • Simple control scheme makes this great to play anywhere you are.
  • Straight to the point and down to business, great for those looking for a challenge.
  • While very difficult, Squarey isn’t a broken game at all and the game does in fact work as it’s supposed to.

Cons

  • The loo and feel of the game could do with a little touch up here and there.
  • While great for hardcore gamers, an “Easy Mode” would be nice to see.

Conclusion: As a game that has little story to it, not much in the way of gameplay and some questionable graphics, you’d think Squarey were a write-off. However, that’s far from the truth, the gameplay might be simple on the surface, but it’s so challenging that you’ll find yourself having lost a good half an hour just the first time you play it. And then of course, you’ll keep on coming back to try and beat the game, the question is can you do it?

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