Vurtu Luxury Smartphones Will Run Android

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You can file this one away under “Devices Just Ridiculous Enough to Exist.” Vurtu, the luxury smartphone OEM that Nokia sold to a private equity firm last year is rumored to be releasing a new device in February. A Russian blogger has reported that not only will the next Vurtu be running Android instead of Symbian. Thats an… improvement, we guess. In case you are wondering what kind of phones Vurtu is currently peddling, check this out.

Product Characteristics:

  • Satin / polished black PVD stainless steel
  • Perforated finish black leather
  • Black ceramic pillow with neon blue lacquered finish V logo
  • Neon blue lacquered finish line details
  • 3.5” nHD high contrast AMOLED display, protected by Sapphire Crystal
  • High-fidelity 11mm x 15mm loudspeaker
  • Exclusive ring tones and alerts played by the London Symphony Orchestra

Of course they call them “Product Characteristics” not “Specifications” because “phone specs” are for poor people. You might notice that they didn’t mention anything about what processor the device is running, the size of the battery, or anything that is all that helpful actually. I guess if you are “discerning” enough to appreciate a phone like this, you are probably “discerning” enough to hire someone to find out those important details.

Devices like this one range in price from $6000 to $250,000. So as you put your cigar out on the face of a rare baby panda, you won’t have to worry about being embarrassed by some pathetic $800 phone ruining your otherwise tasteful ensemble.   Of course you won’t find these prices on the Vurtu website itself, because just like a fancy restaurant where the waiters are inexplicably condescending,  (they are waiters) if you have to ask how much this leather-bound badge of the Bourgeois costs, you can’t afford it. And if you can afford it, be careful not to read anything about how there are hungry people all over the world, or bright impoverished children who can’t afford an education. None of that is important right now. You worked hard to be born into the family of a Saudi prince, and gosh-darn-it, you deserve to treat yourself to a little something.

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